Its gonna be a long hard day (week). The only plant I had left from Joes services is now gone. I am so angry and sad and frustrated right now. I think I'm just gonna take the week off and baby step my way back to a human state of mind if thats possible. I know I haven't actually delt with the loss of my sweet baby cause everytime I think about him I break down all over again (and I think about him all the time). I don't want to grow up. I don't want to deal with the pain. I dont want to let go. I am going to go plant flowers now and have a long talk with God. I know its time, I know it in my heart, but that doesn't make it any easier.