Monday, August 18, 2008

A little bit about the real me

As you will see stress is nothing new to me. For it to have overwhelmed me so much like it did yesterday is very new to me. I am not a prideful person but asking for help is something I have never really done. I have always felt that I should be able to handle things on my own as God hands them out to me. I learned today that it takes a team of great people to make a great person so I am sharing the real me with you.

I grew up in the middle of nowhere (really NO neighbors NONE) the closest house was like a mile away they were older with no children. It was me my sister and brother for as long as I can remember and I adore them both. My mom and dad divorced when I was 3. I didnt see my dad much in the beginning and then visits just stopped. My baby sitter was mean (and still is). I grew up with only few friends cause I never really talked to anybody. I was very self aware and still am. I was the shy little kid that people liked to pick on cause I never fought back. We moved to Wisconsin when I was in the 4th grade. I loved it and hated it. We moved in with my "Grandpa" a long time friend of the family before the start of the 5th grade. I loved it. I however became a spoiled little brat. My grandpa gave me what ever I wanted. When I wanted it. I was never ungrateful or mean about it, thats not how I am. I Started to grow out of being so self aware and made real friends. Then my mom married my step dad. Love him I do. But I became shy again having to move to a new school only to meet great people and then have to move again. A year later we moved again to the house they still live in. It is here in this last school that I met my hubby. That is a blog in and of itself. I knew the first time I saw him that he was the man I was going to marry. It was so unreal. I hadn't even talked to him yet and had no idea who he was. Then I found out he was the boyfriend of a girl who thought I was her friend. I tried my hardest to be a good friend even though we had nothing in common. She would have fits for days if my close friends and I hung out and she wasn't there (it was bad). I befriended her up until the day I caught her steeling my journal disks and bad mouthing my friends at school and bad mouthing my now hubby. I walked away from that friendship and never looked back. The hubs and I started dating not long after that. He was and is the greatest and I adored his family(still do). Almost 2 years later my life became a roller coaster. We got married on May 13th, our daughter was born on May 22nd. New hubby, new house, new baby all in less than 10 days. I Became preg. with our son in Sept. and we moved from IL to KS in Feb. (Hubs went active duty). 6 months after he was born (June 26th) Hubby was deployed and in Jan. our house had come available on post so I moved AGAIN. He was gone for 7 1/2 months. Shortly after his return we decided to try for another child and as soon as we became preg hubby was off again. It was a couple trips to CA. and then off to re class. While he was gone I was put under A/C arrest. (I was only allowed to go from A/C cooled buildings and houses and cars and had to stay out of the heat due to complications as well as off my feet.)Baby 3 was born in Jan. and we packed up and pcsed and were in our new house in GA by March. Hubs was pretty close to home most of that time. Just field time 2 weeks to 6 weeks here and there. In Jan we were preg again with baby number 4. When she turned 8 months old he pcsed to Europe and we had to stay behind for 2 months. We flew out to Europe the day the baby turned 10 months. I got involved with the FRG and made some really great friends. For the first time I had a place that felt like home and I never wanted to move again. Shortly after baby number 4 turned 2 hubby was off on another deployment. This one was supposed to be for only 6 months but ended up being 13. He came home in March and we moved again in June and I was preg with baby number 5. This time we moved to CO. We were lucky that hubby was non-deployable for the time that we were there. The baby came in March and things were starting to fall into place for us. Great friends and the family was together again. After the baby turned one he started getting sick a lot. I took him to a million Dr's and they all gave me different answers. He wasn't getting any better. Hubby had to ship out for school for a few months. July 2nd I took the baby home to IL for the holiday and by now he is unable to do anything for himself. He spent the night of the 4th crying and holding onto me and with such a grip. I took him to Cardinal Glennon the next morning and they said he had fluid on his brain and had to get it off. He never moved again after that. Hubby was released from school and made it from Arizona to St. Louis in 2 days. The older kiddos had to bounce from Grandparents to Grandparents and all the aunts and uncles. I had to temporarily relinquich custody of them so they could start school at my moms. We spent a couple months in the hospital with him. I only left when I was forced to. I slept in the bed with him and held him through all his tubes.We watched them poke and prod and stick him and it was more than we could bear. They did countless surgeries still trying to figure out what was wrong with him. We lost track of the times we heard he's crashing. We had to stand and watch as they yanked him down and did chest compressions on his tiny little self. I couldn't tell you the number of strokes they said he had. On the 24th of August they announced that he had passed and then removed his life support. I held him till they pulled us away. I don't remember much of the following month. My family and friends were there for us the whole time. In Sept. we had to make the drive back to CO in two different vehicles. I was ready to go "home" but knew as much as I needed my best friends it was going to be hard to face them. The Army was great to us. The Cheyenne mountain team was like no other. Like my wonderful friends and family I never had to ask they were just there. Hubby had to go back and redo school before we pcsed and our time there was almost up. We were ready for a change. We were trying to get Washington state or Arizona. We got Kentucky instead which is great cause we have always talked about retiring here. We get our orders in the last week of Aug.and had 10 days to pack and clear 10000 pounds worth of stuff. We cleared our house and Sara's in the same day. We packed the 4 dogs and the 4 kids and the Oscar and the eels into the two vehicles and head towards home. We spent a couple days in IL with the family then headed out to our new home in TN/KY. We lived in a hotel for 10 days. A small one room two bed hotel room for 10 DAYS! After a lot of searching and stressing we found the lovely house we are in now. Now we have to unload and unpack all that stuff. Hubby is in and out trying to inprosses and help me with everything. Inprossesing usually takes 3 days. It took 2 weeks. On his last day when he got his orders to his company he got his orders to deploy. He was lucky and got to hang around till the end of Oct. He is expected to be home by the first of next year. We are still not unpacked fully. We have made a few friends but I miss my BFF's from CO on a daily basis. They are like angels to me.

Through all these hard times were so many new words, so many first steps, learning to use a potty, to ride a bike, and first days of school. Tons of happy Halloweens and Merry Christmases and birthday parties and swimming pools. Millions of look what I can do's and will you help me's. A life time of hugs and kisses and happy memmories and yet a life time to go. I would marry my husband again every day for the rest of my life.

I have been told that my life is hard, but it is all I know. I love who I am and what I stand for. I love my family and friends with all that I have. And someday I will be able to stand in front of God and thank him for the life he alone has given me.


Sara said...

I love you. And if it weren't for you guys, I would have had to have been committed after that move!

love and hugs!!!

Party of 5 said...

You know I love and adore you.